'Loving everything that increases me'

                                                      Raymond carver




for Riley

OFF THE ROAD

‘A MELANCHOLIC SMILE’

                               tindersticks

I do not want to face the realisation of my condition

but seeing my grandson made me reflect on it. 

Like a child being born and in those early years

the mind forms into something that can grasp language. 

That’s the way I felt in intensive care when I woke

from my stroke trying to grasp the language of these words,

it was as if I was reborn an adult.  It feels like I’m compelled

to write down these feelings of loneliness and silence.  

As if I have to make sense of this scientific term locked-in-syndrome. 

They talk about the power of words but these words really

and truly saved my life it seems as if I’m an alchemist turning muck

into gold and I have found the moment between words.

Without god or some spiritual entity I’m creating a positive force

(these poems) as if my life depended on it.  As all good truth sayers say:

you have to look inside yourself and laugh at the horrors of life

as Bill Hicks said wherever truth love and laughter abide I’m there in spirit. 

I’m a beatnik in this beaten world.  This is my new city blues

my road trip of poems.

Barcode of light

The sun shoots in then blinks behind cloud

The day begins like summer mornings do.

I don’t know where this poem is coming from?

the reservoir of survival, a spiritual source?

No one knows I just know its magic

It gives me a purpose and just as I say purpose

The sun pierces my sight and the world

The light shines on my wheelchair

and it becomes my throne.

I am the king of this un-adopted castle

Nature throws its light on my soul

And I label it Buddhist, Christian or Pagan.

You can see why civilisations have worshipped it.

It has the power of an Adidas top or a 60-inch

Plasma screen an I-pod or Nike brand

but this trademark is free.